


Concerned3rdParty

by BlackWolf105



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Because I break them, Gen, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-02-04 19:53:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18611395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackWolf105/pseuds/BlackWolf105
Summary: CallMeRootBitch has created a chat: Concerned3rdPartyCallMeRootBitch has added HaroldFinch, JohnReese, SameenShaw, LionelFusco, and JossCarter***Just another texting fic





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... I'm not 100% sure what this is... it started as a conversation over lunch and now...  
>  \ ( O _ o) /
> 
> Anyway, shout out to SylviaNightshade for being the amazing person she is and helping me with this random stuff that pops into my head.  
> I'm not super sure how popular this is gonna be, so comments and kudos are super appreciated!!  
> Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy.

**_3:24 PM_ **

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has created a chat: **Concerned3rdParty**_

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has added **HaroldFinch**_ **, _JohnReese_** _, **SameenShaw** , **LionelFusco** , and **JossCarter**_

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has changed **HaroldFinche** ’s name to **DadWhatDad**_

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has changed **JohnReese** ’s name to **GunzABlazing**_

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has changed **SameenShaw** ’ s name to **HitThat**_

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has changed **LionelFusco** ’ s name to **WudNver**_

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has changed **JossCarter** ’s name to **CantStopWontStop**_

**WudNver** : someone want to tell me what the hell is going on

 **CallMeRootBitch** : its a group chat

 **CantStopWontStop** : i see that… you wanna tell us why

 **CallMeRootBitch** : she told me to

 **DadWhatDad** : The Machine told you to create a group chat?

 **CallMeRootBitch** : yes

 **DadWhatDad** :

 **CantStopWontStop** :

 **WudNver** :

 **GunzABlazing** :

 **HitThat** :

 **CallMeRootBitch** : you cant prove she didnt

 **HitThat** : fine whats with the names

 **CallMeRootBitch** : in case someone gets hold of our cells

 **CallMeRootBitch** : we r sort of wanted by like 5 gov agencies

 **WudNver** : that doesnt explain why we have these specific names

 **CallMeRootBitch** : im p sure urs is self explainitory

 **WudNver** : i feel like that was offensive

 **HitThat** : p sure it was

 **CallMeRootBitch** : theres no p sure about it

 **WudNver** : if we cant use our real names why does yours have root in it

 **CallMeRootBitch** : bc root is already a nickname

 **GunzABlazing** : if we have to use these dumb names you should too

 **CallMeRootBitch** : fine

**_CallMeRootBitch_ ** _has changed their name to **RobotOverlord**_

**WudNver** : we can change our names

**_WuldNver_ ** _has changed their name to **FastAndFurious**_

**FastAndFurious** : thats better

**_RobotOverlord_ ** _has changed **FastAndFurious** ’ name to **please**_

**_please_ ** _has changed their name to **FastAndFurious**_

**_RobotOverlord_ ** _has changed **FastAndFurious** ’ name to **InUrDreams**_

**InUrDreams** : will you quit it

**_RobotOverlord_ ** _has changed **InUrDreams** ’s name to **MissPiggy**_

**MissPiggy** : …

**_MissPiggy_ ** _has changed **RobotOverlord** ’s name to **CuckooForCocoaPuffs**_

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : … I can live with this

 **DadWhatDad** : What is this for, exactly?

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : work

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : numbers

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : the usual

 **CantStopWontStop** : why do i feel like you're lying

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : i have no idea

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : frankly im offended you would even think such a thing

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : im one of the most honorable people in this chat

 **HitThat** : ur not setting the bar very high…

 **GunzABlazing** : is there even a bar

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : ofc theres a bar

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : not my fault only joss is above it

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : and maybe harry

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : maybe

 **MissPiggy** : what about me

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : oh lionel

 **MissPiggy** : what

 **DadWhatDad** : I thought the point of the nicknames was to prevent people from knowing our identities?

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** :

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : would u look at the time

 **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : g2g

 **GunzABlazing** : i feel like we’re gonna regret this


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's another chapter of... this.   
> Hope you enjoy!

**_11:45 AM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**HitThat** : has ne1 seen root today

**CantStopWontStop** : … what?

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : im in Florida

**HitThat** : when did u get there

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : this morning

**DadWhatDad** : Ms. Groves, I thought you said this was for work purposes?

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : it is

**DadWhatDad** : Then why didn’t you tell anyone you were leaving?

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : oh

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : i meant this was for ur work

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : not mine

**MissPiggy** : then why are you in it

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : i dont make the rules lionel

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : i just follow them

**HitThat** :

**MissPiggy** :

**GunzABlazing** :

**CantStopWontStop** :

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : the faith u ppl have in me is truly astounding

**HitThat** : i have faith in u

**MissPiggy** : thats… strangely out of character…

**HitThat** : i have faith that one day ull do something to make me kill u

**CantStopWontStop** : and we’re back

**CuckooForCocoaPuffs** : aww thats so sweet

**MissPiggy** : …

**_MissPiggy_ ** _has changed **CuckooForCocoaPuffs** ’ name to **Fruitloop**_

**_MissPiggy_ ** _has changed **HitThat** ’s name to **ToucanSam**_

**MissPiggy** : thats better

**ToucanSam** :

**ToucanSam** : now im gonna kill u

**Fruitloop** : now sweetie we dont condone murder here

**ToucanSam** : … o_O?

**GunzABlazing** : we don’t?

**CantStopWontStop** : well i don’t

**DadWhatDad** : Neither do I.

**Fruitloop** : ofc not

**Fruitloop** : we would never kill anyone here

**ToucanSam** : w8

**ToucanSam:** so by that

**ToucanSam** : u mean

**ToucanSam** : u dont condone the murder of anyone here

**ToucanSam** : not that u don’t condone murder in general

**Fruitloop** : ofc

**Fruitloop** : i feel at this stage it would be incredibly hypocritical if i didnt condone at least some murder

**CantStopWontStop** : or

**CantStopWontStop** : and here’s a novel idea

**CantStopWontStop** : we don’t condone ANY murder

**Fruitloop** : …

**ToucanSam** : …

**GunzABlazing** : …

**ToucanSam** : ?

**CantStopWontStop** : well

**CantStopWontStop** : and here’s another WILD idea

**CantStopWontStop** : you don’t kill people

**ToucanSam** : …

**Fruitloop** : …

**ToucanSam** : y dont u leave the killing to us

**CantStopWontStop** : no

**CantStopWontStop** : that’s not what i

**Fruitloop** : oops srry g2g

**GunzABlazing** : why

**Fruitloop** : the congressman is waking up

**Fruitloop** : i can hear him banging on the inside of the trunk

**Fruitloop** : ttyl

**DadWhatDad** : …

**MissPiggy** : …

**GunzABlazing** : …

**CantStopWontStop** : …

**ToucanSam:** …

**ToucanSam** : i cant believe she didnt invite me


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, another chapter, and new character has appeared.  
> Hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

**_5:34 PM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**GunzABlazing:** hey Root

**Fruitloop:** wat

**GunzABlazing:** where are you

**Fruitloop:** 3rd floor of the office building like i said id be

  **GunzABlazing** : where

**GunzABlazing** : because I don’t see you

**Fruitloop** : about 12ft from the doorway

**Fruitloop** : by the giant window

**Fruitloop** : y

**GunzABlazing:** the numbers just left his office

**GunzABlazing:** now might be the best time to make a move for the files

**Fruitloop:** oh im not getting the file

**DadWhatDad:** What do you mean, you’re not getting the file?

**MissPiggy:** that was literally your one job

**MissPiggy:** and I do mean _one_ job

**Fruitloop:** dont worry

**CantStopWontStop:** why am I all of a sudden overwhelmed with worry

**Fruitloop:** ha ha

**Fruitloop:** srsly tho

**Fruitloop:** have a little faith :)

**MissPiggy:** do those seem like last words to anyone else?

**_Fruitloop_ ** _has added **MoMoneyMoProblems** to the chat_

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** Ive gotta say

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** this is not what I was expecting 

**GunzABlazing:** what the

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** Hey John

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** glad to be working with you again

**DadWhatDad:**

**CantStopWontStop:**

**MissPiggy:**

**GunzABlazing:**

**GunzABlazing:** Zoe?

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** miss me?

**DadWhatDad:** Not that I don’t enjoy your presence Ms. Morgan

**DadWhatDad:** But what exactly are you doing here?

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** Root here needed some help with this number

**MoMoneyMoProblems** : and since shaw isnt exactly the person I would go to for this kind of help

**ToucanSam:** rude

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** you cant deny that your not exactly the most _tactful_ person in the world

**ToucanSam:** …

**ToucanSam:** true

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** anyway

**MoMoneyMoProblems** : root called me

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** so here I am

**MissPiggy:**  that doesnt explain why shes in the chat

**Fruitloop** : like I said lionel

**Fruitloop:** i dont make the rules

**GunzABlazing:** so what exactly are the rules about whos in the chat

**Fruitloop:** whoever She wants to be

**CantStopWontStop:** why do I feel like thats code for

**CantStopWontStop:** whoever root wants to be

**Fruitloop:** how dare you

**Fruitloop:** assume that I

**Fruitloop:** would misinterpret or dare i say invent

**Fruitloop:** directives from Her

**Fruitloop:** for my own personal amusement

**ToucanSam:** idk let me think…

**ToucanSam:** oh right

**ToucanSam:** cuz u have

**_Fruitloop_ ** _has changed **ToucanSam** ’s name to **EtTuBrute**_

**EtTuBrute:** very funny root

**MissPiggy** : hey

**MissPiggy:** how come when I change your name I get death threats

**MissPiggy:** but all she gets is sarcasm

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** because shes whipped

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has removed **MoMoneyMoProblems** from the chat _

**_Fruitloop_ ** _has added **MoMoneyMoProblems** to the chat_

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** you know

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has removed **MoMoneyMoProblems** from the chat_

**_Fruitloop_ ** _has added **MoMoneyMoProblems** to the chat_

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** okay, so one

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** rude

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** two

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has removed **MoMoneyMoProblems** from the chat_

**_Fruitloop_ ** _has added **MoMoneyMoProblems** to the chat_

**GunzABlazing:** isnt there a number we’re supposed to be watching?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's a little bit shorter then the others I think, but its probably my favorite so far.  
> Enjoy!

**_11:34 AM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**DadWhatDad:** Has anybody seen either Ms. Groves or Ms. Shaw this morning?

**GunzABlazing:** last I saw them was last night

**CantStopWontStop:** why?

**DadWhatDad:** We’ve just received a new number, and I require Ms. Groves expertise.

**DadWhatDad:** Unfortunately, I can’t seem to get in contact with her.

**MissPiggy:** odd that she hasn’t responded yet

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** yeah shes usually one of the first people to respond in this chat

**Fruitloop:** so srry for the delay

**Fruitloop:** im a little busy here harry

**MissPiggy** : is psycho number 2 with you?

**Fruitloop:** yeah

**Fruitloop:** but shes a little tied up right now

**Fruitloop:** so whats the deal?

**CantStopWontStop** : busy? what are you busy doing?

**Fruitloop:** shaw mostly

**GunzABlazing:** you know

**GunzABlazing:** you could have just left it at

**GunzABlazing:** you were busy

**CantStopWontStop** : that’s my fault for asking

**CantStopWontStop:** ill take responsibility for that one

**Fruitloop:** ;)

**Fruitloop:** so what do u need harry?

**DadWhatDad:** Never mind, I’ll handle it myself.

**Fruitloop:** i can hear the exasperation through the text…

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** wait

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** so when you say shaw is a little tied up

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** you mean…

**Fruitloop:** shes tied up ;)

**MissPiggy:** welp

**MissPiggy:** I need a shower…

**Fruitloop:** that’s what she said

**_MissPiggy_ ** _has left the chat_

**_MoMoneyMoProblems_ ** _has left the chat_

**_DadWhatDad_ ** _has left the chat_

**_GunzABlazing_ ** _has left the chat_

**_CantStopWontStop_ ** _has left the chat_

**Fruitloop:** well thats rude

**EtTuBrute:** root what r u talking about

**EtTuBrute:** we rnt even in the same _state_

**Fruitloop:** yeah but they don’t know that

**EtTuBrute:** ur unbelievable

**Fruitloop:** its y u luv me :)

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has left the chat_

**Fruitloop:** …

**Fruitloop:** i probably should have seen that coming


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, last weekend was a mess and this week hasn't been much better.   
> However, we're back with regular updates (hopefully).  
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated.  
> Again, sorry for the delay, and Enjoy!

**_4:35 PM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**_MissPiggy_ ** _has been added to the chat_

**_DadWhatDad_** _has been added to the chat_

**_CantStopWontStop_ ** _has been added to the chat_

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has been added to the chat_

**_GunzABlazing_ ** _has been added to the chat_

**_MoMoneyMoProblems_ ** _has been added to the chat_

**-*-**

**_5:42 PM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**MissPiggy:** not this again

 **CantStopWontStop:** did you really think shed just let us leave?

 **GunzABlazing:** theres no harm in hoping

 **Fruitloop:** except that ull only be disappointed

 **GunzABlazing:** so ive realized

 **Fruitloop:** oh

 **Fruitloop:** also

 **Fruitloop:** i didnt add u back

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** what do you mean?

 **MissPiggy:** theres literally no one else it could have been

 **Fruitloop:** i told u

 **Fruitloop:** I dont make the rules

 **CantStopWontStop:** are you telling us that The Machine added us back?

 **Fruitloop:** well that or shaw suddenly acquired the skills to hack my phone

 **EtTuBrute:** u realize i know ur password right

 **EtTuBrute:** so i wouldnt actually have to hack it

 **Fruitloop:** ok

 **Fruitloop:** so either that or shaw took my phone and willing added herself into the chat

 **EtTuBrute:** yeah the machine thing is more believable

 **MissPiggy:** honestly it is

 **GunzABlazing:** you make a good point

 **DadWhatDad:** Fine, but this time, can we _please_ try and keep this professional?

 **Fruitloop:** what do u mean

 **Fruitloop** : _this_ time

**CantStopWontStop: …**

**GunzABlazing: …**

**MoMoneyMoProblems: …**

**MissPiggy:** okay this time she has to be shitting with us right?

 **Fruitloop:** fine

 **Fruitloop:** i swear ill keep it professional

 **DadWhatDad:** Somehow I’m not convinced.

 **Fruitloop:** that sounds like a u problem

 **MissPiggy:** is it too late to change my phone number

 **MissPiggy:** my name

 **MissPiggy:** and leave the city?

 **Fruitloop:** most definitely

**MoMoneyMoProblems: …**

**MoMoneyMoProblems:** did that sound ominous to anyone else or just to me?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again!

**_2:35 AM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**Fruitloop** : [ pic245.jpg ]

 **MissPiggy** : OH MY GOD MY EYES

 **DadWhatDad** : Oh dear lord.

 **CantStopWontStop** : …

 **MoMoneyMoProblems** : well that was unexpected

 **GunzABlazing** : i need a new phone

 **MissPiggy** : I NEED NEW EYES

 **Fruitloop** : oh

 **Fruitloop** : im srry

 **Fruitloop** : did i

 **Fruitloop** : send that

 **Fruitloop** : to the wrong chat

 **CantStopWontStop** : do I even want to know

 **MissPiggy** : NO NO NO

 **MissPiggy** : WE ARE NOT ASKING ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS

 **MissPiggy** : ITS TOO EARLY TO BE SEEING THIS

 **EtTuBrute** : i feel like some people would argue that this is the best time

 **MissPiggy** : YOU DON’T GET A SAY

 **DadWhatDad** : I feel the need to point out that you stated earlier this chat was to be used for work.

 **DadWhatDad** : So I feel it necessary to suggest that you

 **MissPiggy:** KEEP YOUR NUDES OUT OF IT

 **Fruitloop:** i feel the need to point out that

 **Fruitloop:** _that_ is not a nude

 **Fruitloop:** _THIS_ is a nude

 **MissPiggy:** STOP WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE GOING TO DO STOP

 **MissPiggy:** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP

 **DadWhatDad:** I must say I concur with Detective Fusco’s statement.

 **CantStopWontStop:** same

 **CantStopWontStop:** all in favor say aye

 **DadWhatDad:** Aye.

 **GunzABlazing:** aye

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** as intriguing as that sounds, im gonna have to go with aye as well

 **MissPiggy:** AYE

 **CantStopWontStop:** shaw?

 **EtTuBrute:** im thinking

**DadWhatDad:**

**MissPiggy:**

**GunzABlazing:**

**MoMoneyMoProblems:**

**CantStopWontStop:**

**Fruitloop:** (dont worry ill send it to you l8r)

 **MissPiggy:** putting it in parenthesis doesnt mean we cant read that


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go, another chapter!!  
> I do want to make a small apology, updates might be slow the next couple of weeks, I have a TON of work next week, then I'll be on vacation where I won't have access to the internet, and I'm also working on a sequel to another story of mine that's been taking up a lot of my time.  
> But I PROMISE I'm working on this one as well, but hey, I do need to sleep sometimes right? :)

**_7:49 PM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**Fruitloop:** so

 **Fruitloop:** just in case anyone is worried

 **CantStopWontStop:** oh dear god what did you do

 **Fruitloop:** im offended that you immediately think I did something

 **MissPiggy:** you started a conversation with

 **MissPiggy:** JUST IN CASE ANYONE IS WORRIED

 **MissPiggy:** im not sure what reaction you wanted from us

 **Fruitloop:** touché

 **Fruitloop:** let me rephrase

 **Fruitloop:** so dont get angry

 **DadWhatDad:** I fail to see how that’s any better.

 **EtTuBrute:** its a lot better

 **GunzABlazing:**  how

 **EtTuBrute:** well now we know that she did something

 **EtTuBrute:** not that something happened to her

 **MissPiggy:** im really not sure thats better

 **MissPiggy** : in fact im pretty sure thats _worse_

 **EtTuBrute** : how could that possibly be worse

 **Fruitloop** : u no one of these days we r gonna have to talk about ur attitudes towards me

 **Fruitloop:** cuz honestly ur lack of faith is disturbing

 **CantStopWontStop:** fine

 **CantStopWontStop:** what thing

 **CantStopWontStop:** that im sure you had _nothing_ to do with

 **CantStopWontStop:** shouldn’t we be angry at

 **GunzABlazing:** wow that’s a lot of sarcasm

 **Fruitloop:** so I might have maybe caused a little problem

 **DadWhatDad:** How small of a problem?

 **Fruitloop:** I might have caused a very _tiny_ explosion

 **DadWhatDad:** …

 **DadWhatDad:** How small of an explosion?

 **Fruitloop:** not very big

 **GunzABlazing:** so when you say not very big

 **GunzABlazing** : you mean like it barely scorched the walls 

**Fruitloop: …**

**Fruitloop:** okay so not that small

 **DadWhatDad:** Blew up a kitchen appliance?

 **Fruitloop:** little bigger

 **CantStopWontStop:** a car?

 **Fruitloop:** bigger

 **MissPiggy:** a truck?

**Fruitloop: …**

**Fruitloop:** k so when I say tiny I might be exaggerating a bit

**CantStopWontStop: …**

**CantStopWontStop:** exaggerating by how much

 **Fruitloop:** not much

 **Fruitloop:** just…

 **Fruitloop:** u hear those sirens outside?

 **DadWhatDad:** You mean the sirens of the twenty firetrucks and four ambulances heading downtown?

 **CantStopWontStop:** WHERE A TWENTY FIVE STORY BUILDING JUST EXPLODED?

 **Fruitloop:** yeah those

 **CantStopWontStop:** …

 **DadWhatDad:** …

 **GunzABlazing:** …

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** …

 **MissPiggy** : see I told you

 **MissPiggy:** worse

 **MissPiggy:** _much_ worse

 **EtTuBrute:** I still cant believe she never invites me anywhere


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!  
> The updates for this fic might be a little haphazard; I'm currently working on three fics right now, not including this one, so my time is spread a little thing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯   
> Fear not though, I have absolutely no intention of forgetting about this one!  
> As always, comments and kudos are loved and appreciated!!

**_1:45 AM_ **

**_Concerned3rdParty_ **

**Fruitloop:** [ pic276.jpg ]

 **MissPiggy:** WHY

 **MissPiggy:** DO YOU NOT HAVE EYES WOMAN?!

 **DadWhatDad:** I must say, Ms. Groves, this habit is starting to become highly distressing.

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** you have to agree tho

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** it’s a good look

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** also

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** unrelated

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** how much yoga do you do?

 **GunzABlazing:** dljhehfujelvuy dilzgryeh

 **EtTuBrute:** …

 **EtTuBrute:** did john just have a stroke

 **MissPiggy:** no he just looked at his phone and

 **MissPiggy** : DROPPED IT BECAUSE THAT’S HOW NORML PEOPLE REACT

 **CantStopWontStop:** I would also like to take this time to remind everyone

 **CantStopWontStop:** that I work in a _police_ station

 **Fruitloop:** [ pic345.jpg ]

 **MissPiggy:** WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN

_Message failed to send : (835)786-9022_

**Fruitloop:** isnt that johns #

 **MissPiggy:** yes yes it is

 **MissPiggy** : he took one look at the screen

 **MissPiggy:** AND THREW HIS PHONE OFF OF A BRIDGE

 **EtTuBrute:** wow what a dramatic hoe

 **CantStopWontStop:** pretty sure if anyone here’s a hoe

 **CantStopWontStop:** its not john

 **EtTuBrute:** …

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has changed **Fruitloop** ’s name to **ImTheHoe**_

**_EtTuBrute_ ** _has changed their name to **ImDoingTheHoe**_

**DadWhatDad** : Aren’t you people supposed to be sleeping?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere!   
> So sorry for the long wait, this semester has been kicking my ass, and I have had zero time to do just about anything. However, with it getting close to wrapping up in the next couple of weeks, I'm hoping to get back to some sort of schedule.   
> Anyway, again, so sorry for the wait.   
> Please, enjoy!

**_12:30 PM_ **

**_ImTheHoe_ ** _has added **Butterfingers** to the chat_

**Butterfingers:** I feel inclined to comment that I threw my phone off a bridge on purpose

 **Butterfingers:** I didn’t drop it

 **ImTheHoe:** semantics

 **ImTheHoe:** anyway

 **ImTheHoe:** does ne1 here know anything about babies

 **Butterfingers:** …

 **CantStopWontStop:** …

 **MissPiggy:** …

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** …

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** …

 **DadWhatDad:** Please tell me this is hypothetical.

 **ImTheHoe:** this is 100% hypothetical

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** are you just saying that because he told you to

 **ImTheHoe:** ofc not

 **ImTheHoe:** but in all seriousness

 **ImTheHoe:** and this actually a really funny story

 **ImTheHoe:** i may have somehow acquired a 2yo and idk what to do with it

 **CantStopWontStop:** will you people please stop kidnapping children

 **ImTheHoe:** who said anything about kidnapping

 **Butterfingers:** you literally said you just ‘somehow acquired’ a 2yo

 **ImTheHoe:** and what about that phrasing makes it sound like I kidnapped it?

 **MissPiggy:** is it sad that I cant tell if shes being serious…

 **DadWhatDad:** So if you didn’t kidnap the child, how did he come into your possession?

 **ImTheHoe:** that seems like a story for another time

 **CantStopWontStop:** I feel like its not

 **ImTheHoe:** I feel like it is

 **DadWhatDad:** No, I feel like this is something we should discuss.

 **ImTheHoe:** i feel like ur missing the more important point

 **CantStopWontStop:** I feel like we’re the only ones who are really grasping the situation

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** where r u

 **MissPiggy:** why would you want to know

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** cuz i could go help her with whatever the hell is going on

 **CantStopWontStop:** I feel like this situation is getting worse

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** im srry r u saying im incapable of helping to take care of a child

 **Butterfingers** : most definitely

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** rude

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** i take care of root don’t i

 **ImTheHoe:** i feel like i should be offended by that

 **ImTheHoe:** but im surprisingly not

 **ImTheHoe:** mostly because its true

 **ImDoingTheHoe:** w/o me ud be dead

 **ImTheHoe:** most probably

 **MoMoneyMoProblems** : your relationship is both so sweet and so strange

 **MoMoneyMoProblems:** im not entirely sure what to do about it

 **CantStopWontStop:** can we please get back to the issue at hand

 **CantStopWontStop:** like how root has SOMEHOW ILLEGALLY AQUIRED A CHILD

 **ImTheHoe:** im still offended that u assume it was illegal

 **DadWhatDad:** Are you saying you _legally_ adopted a child?

 **ImTheHoe:** …

 **ImTheHoe:** y u guys gotta be like this


End file.
